Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
