oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
