The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
