yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
