What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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