wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
