You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
