i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
