i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
