My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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