You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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