After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what day is it and did you see me today?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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