if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize