Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
