I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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