yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
