he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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