I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
