For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
