Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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