how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
