So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize