Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
