Can i not drive my cunt home
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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