CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
