I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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