i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
