I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize