Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
