so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
