I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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