thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
