you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this hospital has no fireball
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
