I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
