The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We're too hungover to prance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
