shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
