once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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