I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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