Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
