What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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