After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
