Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
