Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
50% drunk capacity currently
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
