This is not my ceiling
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
