I smell stomach acid.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
