Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
