I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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