Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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