Your face is a jimmy john
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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