I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
