...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
