She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
