I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
