make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
