no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize