i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
