why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
