how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize