I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
