Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just invented taco cereal.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
