Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
