you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
