five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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