you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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