she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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