just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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