You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dicks are not precious.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize