just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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