You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize