How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
