She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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