I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
