You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
