They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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