did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
