It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize