found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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