What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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