we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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