she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
