bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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