Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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