I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
