My hand turned me down
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
