Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
