My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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