It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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