3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
