Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
