So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
