i jhust puked up my retainher.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
