dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
