my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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