i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i think i just lost a toe
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
