Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
