His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
