I think I won the penis lottery.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
