Sry I called you an 8
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
