wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
