Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dicks are not precious.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
