There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize