before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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