i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
