I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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