i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
