You can't motorboat a personality
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
